UnFIT

I am (my heart that is) not as cute as I thought it was, spiritually. As a matter of fact, it is FFFAAAAARRRRR from cute. How wretched is this flesh of mine! It is indeed true, that the LORD alone is God! He is MARVELOUS in ALL His ways and thoughts!

Me? Mannnnn! I battle with being FULL of IT, you hear me? Full of SELF. Full of SELFISH thoughts of SELFISH gains. 

I  naturally and without Filter (Holy Spirit) am:

selfish

stubborn

arrogant

lustful

mean

hostile

PRIDEFUL

have narcissistic tendencies

                                  Ah, Sovereign LORD! 

You are ALWAYS willing and ready to receive me and teach me MORE...and to LOVE ME EVEN MORE RECKLESSLY!

LORD, left alone, I am UNfit for Your Kingdom and it's Work. But, 

YOU Shower Me with Your UNENDING MERCY and 

                  YOU Clothe me in Your AMAZING GRACE! 

It is YOU who makes ALL things Happen- YOU are the FUEL & the OIL. 

     You are my Enabler. 

You are my CO-Dependent Relationship.

YOU are my [emotional, physical and spiritual] CARETAKER. YOU keep me going. I NEED YOU to survive. I need You to walk with me through my ugliness. You require that I know that I cannot do anything without You. I need You. 

You are my Source of life.

You, THEE Sustainer.

For WHOMEVER FINDS THEMSELVES HERE

What I am learning about God!

Every time I meditate on these truths, I am learning to trust Him all the MORE...
1) God will never leave me, nor forsake me...(Deuteronomy 31:6, Hebrews 13:5*)
2) He is my [forever] Friend...(John 15:15)
3) He is God and He cannot LIE, He cannot....(Numbers 23:19)
4) He sees me. He knows right where I am and He doesn't seem to be freaking out about it....(Genesis 16:13-14)
5)He loves me so much, that He is keeping me UNcomfortable..HE HAS A PLAN...(Proverbs 16:9, 2 Thessalonians 2:13, Jeremiah 29:11, Genesis 18:17, Job 42:2, Isaiah 25:1, Psalm 135:6, ISAIAH 43:19 & PHILIPPIANS 3:13-14)

Not saying this is easy. Remain encouraged! As will I!

Who are "My People"? Part I [The Questions]

I am having a hard time right now, with the phrase, "my people". Have I been so removed from the "black" culture that I don't consider them, 'my people'. Have I lost myself, the original, who God created me to be? Have I lost myself to Christ so much so that I cannot relate with "my people"? Who Are of My People? For real. Who are they?

I have a lot questions.
                              Deep ones.
Is it wrong that my husband and I don't focus on race, daily. On the 'us' and the 'them'.

                                               Am I African-Amercan first, or a Christian first?

I mean really, which comes FIRST?

Should my Biblical World View be tailored to my ethnicity? 

Was I created brown, black, mocha, chocolate, peanut butter..African decent for the mere purpose of staying amongst them, my kind? Was I saved for the sole purpose of witnessing to them, ONLY? You know, the sort of  'giving back' to my hood. I have all these emotions. I have all these thoughts and feelings of how our immediate families, the African-American family, view my husband and I and our family. 

The ONLY Person that makes us different is 

JESUS CHRIST

And where ever we go...we find people who sing His Name; whether black, red, yellow, brown or white. We SHARE JESUS with those in our arms' reach- regardless of age, religion, economic state or ethnicity. Sooooooo. What is the problem?

My heart is torn because of the injustice and the works of satan being carried out in this earth. All peoples and nations are guilty of these dreadful acts. Dreadful acts like believing the lies of the enemy AND failing to hold to the TRUTH.

To name a one:

The Lie that ANY Culture (not necessarily, ethinicity) and/or Ethnicity trumps any other.

The devil is such an instigator. This is his thesis throughout the universe: Stirring Up Mess! He did it with Eve in the garden, in the beginning and he is still doing it NOW, in the end. He continues to shoot blanks and we continue to disperse. I wonder when we will see all of this for what it is..Satan's Chess Game. I am sure you know what I mean-->I am trying to take your King so I go for your Queen.

Hasn't anyone stopped and thought to themselves. The devil is trying to start a riot. Trying to keep the hate. You know, opposite of peace, which is what WE as CHRISTIANS are commanded to do.

I cry  for this world, this nation, my state, my city, my neighborhood. Because, we continue to bite the bait of the enemy...instead of realizing the prince of the air, satan, the liar....runs a muck at our distress...

God Be Praised!

Sustainer of ALL things in heaven and on earth. You hold it ALL together in Your Son Jesus the Christ. Thank You, Father.

 I owe my ALL to YOU.

Everything belongs to You and You alone. There is none like You, in heaven, on earth, or beneath the earth.

Thank You for your grace. Thank You for loving me. For helping me when I need help (which is all the time). For sending your daughters and sons to encourage and lift me up and speak truth to me; my spirit. Lord bless them. 

LORD, You Reign! You reign in my heart, in my life, my marriage, my parenting. Every Area, in our Family, Lord You Reign!!!

Thank You, Father for Your promise to dwell with us. Praise Your Holy Name. Lord bless my heart and my mind to keep them stayed on you! There I find peace. Peace like a river! Thank you for giving me fresh starts REPEATEDLY!

God be Praised!

Living by Prayer

O God of the open ear, Teach me to live by prayer          as well as by providence,    for myself, soul, body, children, family, church; Give me a heart frameable to thy will;    so might I live in prayer,    and honour thee,    being kept from evil, known and unknown. Help me to see the sin that accompanies all I do,    and the good I can distil from everything. Let me know that the work of prayer is to bring      my will to thine,    and that without this it is folly to pray; When I try to bring thy will to mine it is      to command Christ,    to be above him, and wiser than he:      this is my sin and pride. I can only succeed when I pray    according to thy precept and promise,    and to be done with as it pleases thee,    according to thy sovereign will. When thou commandest me to pray      for pardon, peace, brokenness,    it is because thou wilt give me the thing promised,      for thy glory,      as well as for my good. Help me not only to desire small things    but with holy boldness to desire great things      for thy people, for myself,      that they and I might live to show thy glory. Teach me    that it is wisdom for me to pray for all I have,       out of love, willingly, not of necessity;    that I may come to thee at any time,       to lay open my needs acceptably to thee;    that my great sin lies in my not keeping       the savour of thy ways;    that the remembrance of this truth is one way       to the sense of thy presence;    that there is no wrath like the wrath of being       governed by my own lusts for my own ends. By Valley of Vision

The Great God

O Fountain of all good,

Destroy in me every lofty thought,

           Break pride to pieces and scatter it

     to the winds,

Annihilate each clinging shred of

     self-righteousness,

Implant in me true lowliness of spirit,

Abase me to self-loathing and self-abhorrence,

Open in me a fount of penitential tears,

Break me, then bind me up;

Thus will my heart be a prepared dwelling

     for my God;

   Then can the Father take up his abode in me,

   Then can the blessed Jesus come with healing

     in his touch,

   Then can the Holy Spirit descend in

     sanctifying grace;

O Holy Trinity, three Persons and one God,

   inhabit me, a temple consecrated to thy glory.

When thou art present, evil cannot abide;

In thy fellowship is fullness of joy,

Beneath thy smile is peace of conscience,

By thy side no fears disturb,

   no apprehensions banish rest of mind,

With thee my heart shall bloom with fragrance;

Make me meet, through repentance,

   for thine indwelling.

Nothing exceeds thy power,

Nothing is too great for thee to do,

Nothing too good for thee to give.

   Infinite is thy might, boundless thy love,

   limitless thy grace, glorious thy saving name.

Let angels sing for

         sinners repenting,

         prodigals restored,

         backsliders reclaimed,

         Satan’s captives released,

         blind eyes opened,

         broken hearts bound up,

         the despondent cheered,

         the self-righteous stripped,

         the formalist driven from a refuge of lies,

         the ignorant enlightened,

         and saints built up in their holy faith.

I ask great things of a great God.



By  Valley of Vision

Kept by God

Jehovah God,

Thou Creator, Upholder, Proprietor of all

         things,

I cannot escape from thy presence or control,

   nor do I desire to do so.

My privilege is to be under the agency of

   omnipotence, righteousness, wisdom,

   patience, mercy, grace.

Thou art love with more than parental affection;

I admire thy heart, adore thy wisdom,

   stand in awe of thy power, abase myself before

     thy purity.

It is the discovery of thy goodness alone that can

   banish my fear,

   allure me into thy presence,

   help me to bewail and confess my sins.

When I review my past guilt

   and am conscious of my present unworthiness

     I tremble to come to thee,

     I whose foundation is in the dust,

     I who have condemned thy goodness,

       defied thy power,

       trampled upon thy love,

       rendered myself worthy of eternal death.



But my recovery cannot spring from any cause

   in me,

   I can destroy but cannot save myself.

Yet thou hast laid help on One that is mighty,

   for there is mercy with thee,

   and exceeding riches in thy kindness

     through Jesus.

May I always feel my need of him.

Let thy restored joy be my strength;

May it keep me from lusting after the world,

   bear up heart and mind in loss of comforts,

   enliven me in the valley of death,

   work in me the image of the heavenly,

   and give me to enjoy the first fruits of spirituality,

     such as angels and departed saints know.

Valley of Vision